"Noble Decree!"
by Y.T., Ace Reporter

THE CROSSING, ZOLUREN--A much-anticipated provincial ruling made last week by the sickly Lord Sirolarn has declared that, within the lands belonging to Zoluren, all bad accents are against the law.

"At last, my people," the signed statement reads, "we shall need no longer to live within the clutches of those who cannot speak properly. Whereas they have plagued us before, now we can finally fight back."

According to the new law, any caught speaking with a bad accent will be immediately sent to the local jail and be fined moderately. Fines range from five kronars for a "ye" or "thee" to a hefty three platinum kronars for but one use of "och m'frae." Repeat offenders may find themselves forced to attend corrective speech therapy programs requiring lengthy in-house stays.

The people of Zoluren seem to be, overall, quite pleased with this new ordinance. Says one speaker, who wishes to remain anonymous, "Finally we won't have to get out our 'Bad Accent to Common' dictionaries in order to understand what an uneducated Gor'Tog or feral Prydaen is trying to say. I only hope Sirolarn extends this law to include speaking in a language other than common--we as a people have a right to understand at all times what is being said, and I can't be bothered to learn Gerenshuge, after all."

Amongst those known as speaking with bad accents, much grumbling has been heard, but unfortunately none of it has been comprehensible in the least.