"Booze by Bubb"

by Bubbinster Bladebender

Hullo der, all! Dis is me first of a series of tastings of de guzzleables of Elanthia by yers truly.

This issue's guest beverage is de Realms-famous 'Snowfire Beer!'

Snowfire Beer is found in de southern reaches of Elanthia, all de way down in Shard. In de city of Shard, dere is a fine little tavern called 'Liani's Heaven.' Decorated with little Olvi paintings of butterflies and ale kegs with wings, de tavern easily stands out from de rest of de buildings on Sapphire Avenue. Even if yer half lit up 'fore ye head dere, ye should have no problem findin' de joint. Plus, dere are some big arse hollyhocks planted near de entrance dat stick out like a sore thumb.

Soon as ye walk in ye smell de smell of Olvi, tarts and tabaccy, and ye also hear the sounds of Olvi, de sounds of laughter and gossip. It is an easy matter to follow yer nose or yer ears to de bar. And wot a bar it is: one of dose long wooden ones, polished from years of elbow greasin' and tankard slidin' by de little Olvies who tend it. Here is where ye get de famous Snowfire beer!

Order number 5 on de menu, and de barkeep will oblige ye with settin' down in front of ye one of de best brews of de realms. Now, yer first intention will be to hoist it up and slam it down to clear some of the de road dust outta yer throat. I ain't got nuthin' 'gainst dat, mind ye, but if ye got any restraint, ye might wanna take a look at de brew, fer Snowfire has a nice color to it. And ye will notice that de mug it comes in has a thin coatin' of frost on it, as if it were de dead of winter! Dis, me friends, is a sign of things to come.

Enough wit de lookin', time ta git down to bizness and sample de merchandise. Now, dere are two schools of thought on how to go about dis, ye kin either 'Bubbinster' it or sip it. De second method is probably best if yer new to de pleasures of Snowfire cuz de beverage has a big surprise ahead fer ya if ye gulp it down like der is no tomorrow, as in de 'Bubbinster' method I spoke of earlier.

With de sippin' method ye will notice, to yer surprise, dat de golden liquid is ice cold! So durn
cold it numbs yer mouth at even de slightest sip! As you let de river of ice slide past yer mouth and down to yer throat, you WILL think dat dis brew could even give a fire sprite de chills.

Now, fer dose of you who prefer to partake of de aforementioned 'Bubbinster' method, hang on to yer hats fer dis stuff will not only numb yer mouth but will create a brain blizzard dat will make ye wonder if yer skull is still ridin' atop yer shoulders! Oooh boy, yessiree, dis deep freeze will send yer senses to bed early.

Well, wotever method ye choose to follow, ye will be treated to one of de finest delights Elanthia has to offer, and, after all is said and done, de chilly brew will eventually work its way down to yer tummy where de fine bellywarmin' sensation dat all malted beverages provide will soon put a spring in yer step and summer on yer face. Make sure ye order another; heck, order a dozen, even take some home to de kinfolks, fer Snowfire is a treat dey will all enjoy!

I give it a ten keg ratin' out of a possible ten kegs!


Thanks fer readin',

Bubbinster Bladebender, with special guest Snowfire Beer.