"Surviving an Invasion in Bardic Style"

by Espritia Melodics

In my days in Elanthia, I've lived through many an invasion... in fact, I don't think I've been killed in one yet. (Please, Faenella, let's keep "yet" the operative word!) I decided that it would be helpful to younger bards if I shared some tricks of the trade on how to survive an invasion in the not-so-traditional bardic style.

1. Be as oblivious as possible. If you're happily in a tavern, singing and drinking with friends, and someone comes in yelling that Cyclops or some other baddie is attacking the northeast gate, pretend you didn't hear them and continue with what you were doing. Where pain, maiming and death are involved, ignorance truly is bliss.

2. Stay inside whenever possible. I have seen an Inn or tavern attacked only once, and I've only seen guilds attacked during a war situation. Hiding under the table with a full tankard is perfectly acceptable. If you feel the need to help out, then report to an indoor triage area - usually the Cleric and Empath guilds - to help tend wounds and to aid the healers and holy folks with the Quartet (that's Hodierna's Lilt, Drums of the Snake, Meraud's Blessing and Nexus to be specific). Not only do you get that "Hey, I helped!" feeling, you can also use the opportunity to practice your instruments and to learn some magic. Usually some teaching, too, since empaths and clerics will be holding classes even with piles of corpses around them.

3. Wear your armor at all times. That's very practical advice. If you're performing for a wedding or for royalty, carry it with you. Yes, it gets stinky - plate and chain aren't known for their breathable qualities - but that's why you clean it and yourself. There are bathhouses in Crossing and Therenborough, and there are plenty of clean streams and other bodies of water around Elanthia, so you have no excuse to be a smelly bard. Our trade requires that we do not offend, so that means we bathe - certainly more often than a barbarian! Personal hygiene is your friend. (Hear that, Bubbinster?)

4. Take the time to watch where you're going. Running around willy-nilly will only get you killed. If you're out walking the streets, peer into the next part of the street to see if there's anything nasty waiting for you. If there is, don't go there! Common sense is also your friend.

5. If you decide to disregard all the other advice I've given, and you stumble into a room full of baddies, turn around and go back where you came from. Don't walk, run. Get back to safety as soon as you can. Stay there and wait it out. There's no shame in realizing you're unprepared and living to learn from your mistakes.

6. Oh, yeah. Don't forget how to learn to use a weapon, or a series of them (unless you're an Empath, then it's your choice, but watch out for shock!), and learn how to maneuver in armor and even using a shield. The best defense is a good offense... or is that the best offense is a good defense? I don't remember... but being able to defend yourself is a good thing!

Now, if you've gotten this far, you've truly earned a good ale, so head to your local tavern. Drink, be merry (and oblivious!), and stay alive!