"A Common Request for Uncommon Courtesy"
by Zygmund

I am not going to claim to have seen everything there may be to see in Elanthia, but I can make a very strong case that I have heard enough grievances from adventurers as to be able to lay my finger upon the most common cause of complaints. You may be surprised (though I sincerely doubt you will be) that this is not an enemy bent upon the destruction of Elanthia. No, this insidious pest is a creature that has touched all of us, and lives to a degree within each of our hearts: The foe's name is discourtesy.

One must realize is that discourtesy and courtesy are matters of circumstance, perspective, and intent. Everything has its time and place, and while you may not consider yourself being inconsiderate, the truth could be something else entirely. Let me touch upon each of these issues briefly and show you where people often tend to ignore these factors. I'll then wrap it all up with over-all characteristics that you will find to be true of any discourteous individual, as well as some final "golden rules" to help guide your own behavior.

Part I: Circumstance

A common saying is "No matter where you go, there you are." That is to say, no matter where you may find yourself in the world, you are ALL there. However, ALL of you may not be appropriate for any particular set of circumstances.

People are constantly guilty of not taking circumstances into account. A roar is an excellent tool upon the battlefield, but it is somehow a less welcomed activity in the middle of a dance. Likewise, a Banner of Truce raised over a bickering couple to keep them from coming to blows would not be as appreciated if it were raised on a battlefield where the forces of light were winning. Six bleeders are not even noticed in the halls of the Empath Guild, but they tend to draw inappropriate attention in the middle of hushed meeting. The difference between courteous and discourteous individuals is that the former has an awareness of what is occurring around him or her and can adapt appropriately, while the latter remains fixated on one set of personal habits and believes them to be universally acceptable, no matter what the circumstances.

Part II: Perspective

Circumstance requires us to pay attention to the world around us, while perspective requires us to pay attention to the people around us. Perspective is that much more difficult to quantify, but has a greater impact on whether or not we are perceived as courteous individuals. Let us take the act of kissing. This simple thing can be interpreted with a wide range of responses, depending upon the kisser and the kissee. It is foolish to simply believe that every cheek in existence dreams of feeling the grace of your lips.

Expand the example from just kissing to all types of interaction, and see how the caution against assumption still holds true. You cannot assume that the language you use would be acceptable to any other's ears but your own. You cannot assume that your habits are inoffensive to everybody just because the goblins do not complain when you pick your nose.

Discourtesy by difference of perspective is often simply a matter of ignorance on the part of one or both parties involved. It takes time to learn the ways of acceptable behavior in a new circle of friends. For this reason, small discourtesies should be borne until you determine that the person performing them would be willing to compromise with you. Perspective, despite being so ephemeral, is also the easiest to correct. All it takes is the ability to communicate.

Part III: Intent

I wish to qualify a point made in the last section, that small discourtesies should be borne until you determine that the person is willing to compromise. The intent of the person must be weighed here before you decide to take offense. Perspective is something that both parties in any given interaction must take into account while intent is something that falls upon the shoulders of the person initiating the encounter.

It is entirely possible to be courteous with the intent of discourtesy. For example: A hunter stalks out a favorite hunting spot and settles down to some quiet sport. Another hunter enters and asks kindly if the first would mind company. The fellow agrees, as a little company always makes the day go faster...but...the next thing that happens is that the second hunter invites a third and a fourth person to the group. When a fifth is invited, the original warrior sighs and slips into the wood to find a quieter location.

What happened? The second warrior was courteous, yes, but it was with the intent to eventually take over the hunting area entirely. The first hunter accepted the small discourtesy of the first invites, but it became swiftly obvious there would be little chance at compromise. This type of rudeness is very hard to combat, as it is willingly done with little thought to those it effects.

Intent can be interpreted for the good, however. A mentor brings a young protégé to their guild to offer some pointers, and the novice is eager to begin. The mentor mentions out loud that he will be taking the new member to the ruins outside of Crossing for favors. A third guild member declares he will assist and runs off with the novice in tow. Now the original mentor could easily define the intent of the eager spirit as discourteous and rude. However, after the mentor and eager spirit converse, and the mentor discovers the fellow just wished to help. In this case, the intent to help outweighed the small discourtesy that had occurred.

Part IV: Common Factors

The difference between courtesy and discourtesy is equal to the degree of selfishness present inside a soul. The more a person is intent upon his or her own pleasure at the expense of another, the wider the gap between their courteous and discourteous behavior. A person with empathy for the feelings and concerns of another would be less likely to consciously choose to irk somebody.

Intelligence and experience comes into play, as well. A courteous person is intelligent enough not to leap to conclusions yet experienced enough to compensate for the occasional goof. You can easily correct a courteous person who is accidentally discourteous because they are intelligent enough to comprehend the need for change. Note that not all intelligent people are courteous (far from it), as they may know they are doing wrong but simply lack the internal integrity to care. Likewise, while ignorance is too often used as an excuse, those who simply did not know must be pardoned at least once before being labeled as discourteous.

Finally, you will find that most courteous people are willing to expend a great deal more energy and effort on being friendly than the discourteous person. This is because it is quite a bit easier to be rude by inaction than it is to be actively helpful. All it takes is a touch of indifference, and viola, you can irk almost anybody.

Be very wary of those who are discourteous by intent and effort, for they are more truly evil than most creatures we Elanthians face.

Part V: Proactive Courtesy

Everybody has heard of the simple catechism that one should "always treat others as you would have them treat yourself." This is a good yardstick to use when first acquainting your self with a new friend, but there are many out there who treat themselves a lot worse than anybody would care to be handled. A better saying to remember would simply be "treat others as they wish to be treated, and take the time to learn the way in the first place." Be gregarious without being pushy. Be willing to ask a person's opinion, and more importantly, be willing to acquiesce and search for a compromise position when their opinion is opposite yours.

Those with respect for others will not be guilty of discourtesy by intent. People who practice empathy will learn when they encroach upon another's perspective. Finally, those who are aware of their surroundings will realize when behavior different from the norm may be warranted.

Courtesy is as uncommon as common sense at times, but those willing to make the effort can become masters of its use. My request is that you become aware of the impact of your own actions upon others...that before you attempt to slay the beast of discourtesy in others, you face it within yourself.

When you manage to do all this you will truly have become, not only uncommonly courteous, but extra-ordinary.